


Away From Him

by Adarian



Category: Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-19
Updated: 2014-10-19
Packaged: 2018-02-21 19:37:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2480006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adarian/pseuds/Adarian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tabris is traumatized and badly injured after the battle with the Mother. Alone and wanting the one she loves, she instead is presented with the one who may understand more than she could believe. Now presented with it's sequel "Even Tomorrow".</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Tabris too fell as the Mother drew out her last scream. Nathaniel ran to her side, scooping her into his own arms as Anders examined her. She struggled to keep her eyes open, her hand resting on her bleeding chest. She looked up, watching Anders' worried face, and for a moment, she thought it was Alistair. She smiled, remembering a better time as unconsciousness took over her body.

She opened her eyes again as they entered into the Wastelands, seeing the party of Grey Wardens standing before them. She vaguely heard a familiar voice commanding Nathaniel to hand her over. She feverishly wondered if Alistair had come back, if he had come to rescue her from the pits of hell itself.  
She collapsed into the other man's arms, closing her eyes again as they made the journey back to Vigil's Keep.

oOoOoOo

She woke in her bed, the last images of her dream fading from her mind. She gasped loudly as she stood, the memory of a bloodied Varel shocking her into consciousness. Her hand went to her chest, feeling the still broken bones underneath her fingers. The blood drained from her face. The past twenty-four hours had not been a dream.

Tabris rose painfully, holding her side as she reached out for her ruined clothes. She dressed, wincing, hearing the echoing voices in the Keep below them. She paused, sitting on her bed as she laced her boots. Had the rest of it been true as well? Had Alistair returned? She vaguely remembered his face, remembering being carried. She pushed that aside.

Tabris made her way down into the dining hall, watching the Grey Wardens stand and kneel as she entered among their ranks. She signaled for them to stand, a servant coming to ask if she felt like eating. She paused, watching the dwarf look at her anxiously. The news of her injuries must have spread quickly, she decided, and ordered herself a breakfast she had no desire to eat.

She sat down near the edge of the room, knowing she was being watched. She had an urge to run back to her room and hide. But she knew the men needed her visible, she knew they needed to see that life would go on.

Her hand shook slightly and she hid it below the table. There would be time to deal with her own demons later. The same servant arrived again with a bowl of porridge, informing her that he would do Varel's work until the Wardens had chosen another. Tabris nodded politely, biting her lip. She ate only ate a few bites, but it was enough. Her men and women stood again as she moved to leave. She was too tired to do more than nod before retreating to her chambers.

oOoOoOoOo

It was just past noon when Nathaniel entered her room, knocking politely on the door. Tabris did not recall inviting him in, but he did so regardless.

"Commander Stroud will need to speak with you," Nathaniel said gently, "He wants to know exactly what happened here."

"Isn't it obvious?" Tabris said sardonically, swiveling from her desk to see him, "I burnt down Amaranthine. Then I made a deal with the Devil himself. Perhaps it would have been better if I had died in that pit, you would have made better decisions than I, Nate."

Nathaniel bowed his head, "You are injured, Commander. You have done what you could have. It is no time to second guess yourself. As your friend…I would seek out medical aid and see the Commander. The sooner the Orleasians leave…the sooner we can start to rebuild again."

Tabris nodded, "You're right, of course. You usually are. Please have them gather in the study. I will deal with Straud after I…make myself more presentable."  
"And you'll see Anders?"

Tabris agreed, "I'll get looked at, I promise."

Nathaniel seemed skeptical as he left the room, closing the door behind him.

oOoOoOo

Tabris was dressed in black as she entered the study. Six Orleasian Wardens rose to their feet, bowing until she sat down at her desk. As she looked up, she saw a familiar sad smile. She closed her eyes, taking her focus back to the task at hand.

"I thank you, brothers," she began, "For coming to our aid after so many of your comrades had died here. The Ferelden Wardens owe a great debt to you all, one that we may never be able to repay. I believe my Second in Command has explained the events of what has occurred here in Amaranthine. We will be submitting a report to Weisshaupt, as well as to the King in Denerim. I hope you will also convey your information to your fellows in Orlais. News of what has happened here will spread quickly, and I'd rather it be as truthful as possible."

Stroud nodded, "This is all well and good, Commander Tabris, but news of what has happened in the city below…the Wardens cannot be known as murderers. And when it is known that someone of your…heritage ordered the deaths of so many…perhaps it is not so wise for you to remain in command."

"My heritage has nothing to do with this," Tabris said, standing up, "I did as I was advised. I did not make the decision myself and I certainly did not make it without thought. Disease would spread. We had to protect the rest of the lands."

"And news of this…this…Architect. Is this so wise?"

"I do not know," Tabris replied, "It is for our superiors to decide if this relationship will continue. But it could mean the end of all Blights. Is that not something we must explore? Life at any cost. Sacrifice if need be. Or did you take different vows from me?"

Straud stood, "I will not be spoken to in this matter."

Tabris smiled darkly, "Certainly not by one of my breed. This meeting is adjourned. You are welcome to rest, but I expect you will want to return to your country folk soon."

The six stood to leave, one pausing as she walked towards him.

"What are you doing here?" Tabris asked quietly.

Loghain replied, "I was ordered here with my new brothers in arms. Aren't they a charming group? You should see them after a few ales."

Stroud called Loghain and he nodded to her politely before he left the room.

Tabris held her side, feeling the blood soak again through her fingers. She had promised Nathaniel. She should go see Anders.

Yet as she walked back into the halls, her heart thudding against her ribs, she saw the faces of those who would never walk past her again. She saw the streets of the city she had razed to the ground. She saw the fingers of the Architect reach out towards her.

She felt as if her lungs were filling with lead.

Tabris grabbed her coat. The fresh winter air would do her good, certainly. Yet as she left the Keep's walls, the urge to keep going tugged at her heels. Some quiet in the woods, some quiet place where she could be alone, without anyone watching her. Just a quiet place.

She was too feverish to see her blood trailing down her gown and beading into the snow.

oOoOoOoOo

When the Warden did not come down to dinner, the Howe boy had told his delegation that the Warden-Commander was too tired to make an appearance. But Loghain was no fool. He could tell by watching his face that the boy had no idea where his Commander was and had not known for some time.

From what he had heard, this Nathaniel was a tracker, one that certainly would have been able to find the Warden if she was within the castle grounds. This was enough for Loghain to excuse himself as well from the meal and ready his survival pack. He knew his Warden well. He would find her soon.

Despite the heavy snowfall around them, he made out her small feet, the snow stained pink. He lifted it up to his nose, but he knew almost immediately that it was her blood. As quickly as he could without raising suspicions, Loghain made his way into the forests of Amaranthine.

It was not long before he found her, which made him even more disappointed in her choice of Second in Command. The Warden was huddled down into the snow, curled around her bleeding side. She looked up at him blearily, as if not believing him to be there.

Loghain cursed as he knelt down in the snow beside her. He lifted a poultice to her lips as he brought her gently in his arms. She drank slowly, some of the colour returning to her face.

"You stupid, stupid girl," Loghain grumbled, surprising himself with the amount of affection seeping into his words. Tabris looked up at him, her eyes clearing enough for her to recognize who he was.

"It's you," she murmured, but he could hear the disappointment in her words. Aye yes, him. The pariah, not the prince. Half a year since that whelp of Maric's had married his daughter, and yet he could still see that displeasure in her face. This was not a fairy tale rescue, not a charming prince, but an old man. Not a hero, but a villain.

Loghain muttered, "I never thought you would be this foolish. You've always been the self-sacrificing type. Is this your way of falling on your own blade in grief? Freezing to death in a mourning dress? I'm sure the people will love you more, but what example does it for your men? Legends make poor generals."

"I guess that explains why you lost to me," Tabris said, a faint smile cross her lips.

Loghain could not help but chuckle, "I suppose so. Come on now, Warden. You are too weak to walk, so before you argue, I will carry you. Don't let foolish pride make us spend more time in this infernal cold."

Loghain was gentle as he stood, holding her to him. She looked up him curiously, her cold hand touching his cheek.

She said gently, "It was you. You carried me back to Vigil's Keep."

"Your archer was too busy flirting with the medic," Loghain insisted, "And the others thought it was improper for them to carry one higher in rank then them. It was merely practical."

She closed his eyes as she leaned into his jacket, "I thought you were Alistair."

Loghain was quiet as she faded from him. He knew he should keep her talking, to make sure she did not fall into a sleep he could not wake her from. But to that, there was no response. He was not who she wanted there. He never would be.

oOoOoOoOo

Tabris woke again, hearing shouting outside her door. She was stripped naked, bundled beneath many blankets. She felt the strange buzz in her veins that followed intensive magical healing. She sat up, trying to puzzle what had happened, as her door opened and slammed again. She covered herself as she saw Loghain on her side of the door, a hand against his temple.

"I had a little chat with your Second," Loghain explained, "Perhaps he will be able to keep better tabs on his Commander next time instead of leaving her to die in the snow. At least your mage is…adequate. Much better than either of those insufferable women you used to travel with."

He glanced down and looked away, "Your clothes have been sent to the laundry. It was important to get you out of cold, damp things. I took no liberties, I assure you. I was returning merely to see that you had waken."

"Come to yell at me too?" Tabris asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Hardly," he replied, "I've seen you on the battlefield."

Loghain sat down in a chair beside her, pulling it closer to the bed.

"I know," he said quietly, "I know what it is like to lose men. To make tough decisions, ones that will haunt you the rest of your life. I'm sorry. It will make you a better Commander. It will make you stronger."

Tabris rolled over, looking towards the window and away from him, "This isn't what I want to hear. Aren't you supposed to give me some talk about how it gets easier?"  
"I don't lie to you, Warden," Loghain said, "I never have. We're not so dissimilar. We are the ones that will be hated, despised, mainly by ourselves, for doing what we could with what we had. Your Keep still stands, Warden. You have done enough."

Tabris shook her head, "It's not enough. I feel like since the Blight, I've been doing…damage control. I keep fighting, but we keep losing. Sometimes more, sometimes less. There have been no victories."

"You're still alive," Loghain replied, "That's victory enough."

"Is that how you felt when I spared you?" She asked pointedly.

Loghain sighed, "No. But I came to realize it was. That for some reason, some reason I still cannot fathom, you chose to save my life. Twice now. I try to live to be worthy enough of that mercy."

Tabris turned, examining his face as he sat there quietly. It had only been a few weeks since had seen him, but he seemed much older than before. It should be Alistair there beside her. She still loved him. Months of yelling and screaming, months of him loathing her, but she still loved him. That, perhaps, hurt most of all. That even this man respected her more than the one who used to love her.

"You wish right now that you hadn't," Loghain replied, "That maybe I was just another mistake."

"No," Tabris admitted, "But I wish you had cost me less."

"You are stronger than this," Loghain said, his hand touching hers lightly. He withdrew it almost immediately, standing to go.

"Stay," she commanded, her hand reaching for his again. He did as she asked, letting her fingers trace over his scars, the cold still in her skin. She rested her hand against his, his fingers closed around hers.

"I'm scared," she admitted softly, "I'm scared that I've screwed up too much. That I can barely keep myself alive, never mind anyone else. I'm scared he's right. I'm scared that he's never coming back. That I've really lost him. That every time I screw up, I put another wedge in between us. I don't know…I don't know how to do this anymore."

His other hand came up to cup her face and she leaned into his touch.

"I'm not who you want here," Loghain replied, "We both know that."

"I can't be alone right now," she begged, tears finally coming to her eyes, "Please. Please don't leave me."

Ashamed of herself, she pulled away, hiding her face into the sheets. She heard the gentle thud of his boots hitting the floor and felt Loghain lie down beside her on top of the sheets. He held her tightly to him, curling his body around hers.

"Then pretend," he murmured, "Pretend you got what you wanted. Pretend I'm your prince."

For a shameful moment, Tabris closed her eyes, trying to imagine Alistair holding her once again. The smell of his skin against hers, the taste of his lips. The feel of…she sighed, feeling lips against her neck. But it was wrong…he wasn't there.

Tabris opened her eyes, turning to see Loghain beside her. She kissed him deeply, her hands clasping his face to hers. He held her close to him as her hands undid his stays, pulling his pants down around his ankles and pushing them onto the floor.

"Warden," he warned gently, but she ignored him as her hand reached his hardening cock.

"Take off your shirt, Loghain," She commanded, stroking him as he grew in her hand.

Loghain did as she asked as she pulled the blankets around him too. He laid beside her, her hands tracing down a scar on his chest. It seemed fitting. Alistair had accused her more than once of her infidelity with Loghain in one of their many arguments. It was worth it enough to have something to yell back at him.

Yet as he leaned in to kiss her, pressing his body into hers, perhaps there could be some comfort found in another warm body beside her. A man could desire her, even want her to be happy.

Loghain rolled on top of her, shielding her cold body with his. She breathed in his scent, holding unto his neck as kissed him. She could feel his erection digging into her thigh and the mere sensation was enough to make her wet. She reached down, guiding his cock towards her, stroking him gently. He held her body close to his as he slowly entered her.

Tabris gasped and he withdrew. She shook her head, kissing him quickly, and murmured, "Keep going."

Loghain entered again only partially, his hand cupping her face as he hilted himself inside her. Tabris moaned at the feeling of fullness, one she had missed for so many months. As he moved gently, his hand stroking her cheek, she let herself study his face. The look of concentration oddly amused her, causing her to smile. He looked up, his eyes meeting hers, an expression she had never seen before crossing his face.

He moved them to their sides, holding her from behind as he entered again, shallowly and slowly. His hand went to her breast as she covered his leg with hers. His other hand went to her clit, stroking her softly as he pushed into her. She moaned as his lips went to her neck, sucking gently.

She felt her body growing tenser, her legs shaking slightly as she neared her peak. Loghain kissed her neck, turning to her ear as he commanded, "Come."

She groaned, shuddering in his arms as he held her tightly, pushing onwards into her. She leaned back into him, into his arms as he thrust deeper into her. She pushed back into him, murmuring a quiet request in his ear.

Loghain responded, moving to a sitting position and allowing her to climb into his lap. She pushed herself down unto him, his arms wrapping around her as she quickened her motions, thrusting down unto him. His hands went into her hair, holding her close to him as she whimpered. She looked up, their eyes meeting before he kissed her fiercely. She came between kisses, his hands moving to cup her face. He came soon after with a surprised grunt, his fingers digging into her skin as he held her to him.

They stayed like this as he grew soft, their bodies pressed together. Tabris wanted to cry, the pressure on her chest beginning to fade. She felt like she could breathe now, if only shallowly. She opened her eyes, gazing into his for a quiet moment.

She curled back into the sheets, Loghain lying down beside her. He pulled her into his arms and she rested her head against his chest, allowing her breathing to slow until it matched his.

"Will it get easier?" She asked quietly.

"No," he replied, "You must keep yourself strong. You are strong enough to do this alone, Warden. But you must ask for help when you need it. Do not give up your own life and soul for this. It is not worth it. There are some things that should not be sacrificed."

Tabris did not respond, letting him pet her head softly.

"Sleep, Warden. You must regain your health."

"Will you stay here tonight?" She asked gently.

"As long as I can," he responded, kissing the top of her head.

She closed her eyes, feeling Loghain shift her body closer to him, his heart beat slow and steady underneath her.

Yes. She would rest. She would be stronger in the morning.


	2. Even Tomorrow

Loghain pulled his cloak further around him as the carriage pulled forward. It seemed strange that in such a short time he would no longer be used to the Ferelden winters. Orlais was warmer, cities mere paces from each other. The country he loved had been shown to him, mile by mile, covered in the first snow of the season. 

Perhaps he was simply becoming an old man, he smirked to himself. After all, he was a grandfather now. Perhaps his body was catching up with him. 

The miracle child. The first Theirin born in decades. The announcement had spread across Thedas as a clear message. Ferelden was back in control of its fate. It was more than Loghain could have wished for, but this trip was not a grandfather coming to meet his granddaughter, despite the appearance of it. His priority now was to an irate Orleasian Commander who demanded answers of him. How could a former Warden conceive a child? Did the child have the taint? Was the child even his? And what devilry had occurred if it was? 

And who better to find out than Loghain? 

Damn if he cared. He had been part of that condemned ritual to save his life. If the man had done his duty, did it matter the cost? 

As they neared the gates of Denerim, he took a deep breath. He had not been back here since that wretched night. He thought of her, such a small thing baring her teeth at a dragon. He had meant to take the final blow, just in case, but she had rushed in, an animalistic scream as her blade sliced into the creature's heart. The memory of picking her up, carrying her to a medic, blended into that foul pit in Amaranthine, into the bloodied snow when he found her...

He shook his head. He needed to keep his wits about him. He was merely sentimental about his last weeks in Ferelden, reliving it all in this last moment of solitude. 

The carriage pulled around the back of the palace and Loghain exited, tossing a few extra silvers for the driver. He pulled his pack over his shoulder and trudged through the snow towards the servant's entrance. 

As he walked into the kitchens, the servants went absolutely silent. He kept his head down, knowing several angry elves were staring intently at him. He did not blame him. He had held a grudge for less worthy reasons.

He walked up the stairs into the main section of the castle, following a familiar path to his old bedroom. Not the one he held as regent, but the one reserved for his visits to Maric. Despite the growing dark of evening, he knew these steps well. He found a candle waiting for him and he lit it as he unpacked his bags. It was a small room, just a bed in the corner, a small mirror and dresser. He washed in the basin left for him, rubbing his face in the towel to warm it slightly. 

"Are you turning in before even saying hello?"

He turned, smiling slightly as Anora walked into his room, crossing her arms. 

"I did not want to wake you," he said, "I imagine the baby is keeping you up most the of the night as it is. You do not need your old father barging in."

"I invited you," she reminded, shaking her head, "She's asleep, I'll introduce you to her in the morning. Oh daddy, I'm so happy you're here."

"I am too," he admitted, "You should go rest, girl."

"Alright," she yawned, "I am rather tired. She's a fussy little thing right now and we'll be having the reception tomorrow so-"

"Reception?" He groaned.

"Oh just a little thing. Some of the nobles have gathered, doting presents and all that. Some believe it's bad luck to celebrate a birth until the third month. But you know that. Mamma told me once you refused to call me by name until then. She said you called me dumpling."

He chuckled, "It was one of my less rational moments. Now go on then. It has been a long trip. Let me get some rest."

Anora turned to go and said, "Good night, father."

He stood smiling quietly as he closed the door behind her. He remembered holding her in his arms for the first time, looking up at Celie in astonishment. He had never seen anything so beautiful, so small and perfect. Now she was all grown...oh, she had been grown since she was a teenager. And for the Maker's sake, she had been a queen for nearly a decade now. But for him, she still was that small bundle in his arms.

He laid in the bed, pulling the sheets around him as he tried to close his eyes. He could not get the chill out of his bones.

OoOoOoOo

Tabris stood in front of the mirror, attempting to adjust her hair as it curled around her ears. She flattened out the green dress as best she could, but she felt still an imposter in the gown. She took a deep breath, adjusting the bodice before stepping back. She frowned, but was distracted as she heard a knock at the door.  
She opened it, seeing Alistair stand at the other side.

"I thought I'd walk you down to the reception," he offered shyly, "Anora will be coming down a bit later. It would give us a chance to talk."

Tabris smiled politely, "Do I look alright?"

He smiled and she felt self-conscious as she saw his eyes scan down her body. 

"You look lovely," he said, "You're not going to tell me how handsome I am?"

Fatherhood had suited the man. He smiled more than she had seen in years, his hair growing thicker and redder. He had even gained a little paunch that she thought suited him quite nicely. 

"Your ego is already too inflated," she concluded.

He laughed, offering his arm. She took it, closing the door as they left the room. It wasn't hard then to remember how it felt to love him. It still lingered, sometimes arising when he laughed, when the twinkle of his eyes made her catch her breath. She would always love him, but that love was changing and growing into something softer, kinder. This was better. This was easier. 

"Is this still alright for you?" he asked.

"I still think it's a terrible idea to make me a godmother," she replied. 

"Who else are we going to pick? Neither of us have any siblings and...you're my friend. And I've seen you fight. There's no one out there more qualified to keep my daughter safe."

"They're going to think you're favouring the Wardens again," she warned.

He rolled his eyes, "Everything I do favours them, don't you know? And the elves too. There's still some conspiracy theory you've had and raised my bastard in the alienage and that the elves will take over the kingdom."

They both realized the joke had gone too far and they stood on the staircase, looking at each other.

"I can walk the rest of the way myself," she said calmly, "I wouldn't want them to get any more ideas."

"Aria," he called out as she left his side, "Wait, I'm sorry. It's just so..."

"I want to be your friend," she said finally, stopping on the stairs, "But I can't joke about...about us yet. This is going to take time. So please...just give me some space."

He nodded and she left, entering the great hall on her own. She spotted Shianni and walked over to her cousin, kissing her on the cheek.

"Lovely party," Tabris joked.

"Oh yes, I love awkward human noble season," Shianni agreed, "It's always fun to see them step over themselves trying not to offend me but also trying to marry into my territory. Politics is so amusing."

"You know you love it," she teased.

"Well, I do have to admit, I have not been the biggest topic of conversation today. I'm rather put out."

"Let me guess. The kid's not Alistair's. Or is secretly a demon. Or Orleasian."

"You're closer on that last one," she chuckled and nodded towards a corner of the room, "We have a special visitor from that country, it seems."

Tabris looked over, her breath catching slightly as she saw him. Her first instinct was to run. Shianni's hand went over her arm.

"Cousin, you've gone pale as a ghost," she said worriedly, "Are you well? Here, let me get you something to drink. You go sit down."

"I'm fine," Tabris replied, "Don't worry yourself. I just need to catch my breath."

"Of all the men to swoon over, you picked a doozy," Shianni commented, still helping her to a lounge on the side of the room. 

Tabris chuckled, "Hardly. I just have been feeling under the weather, that's all."

"Aria," Shianni rolled her eyes, "I have known you your entire life. Stop fussing and tell me everything."

Tabris insisted, "It's nothing."

Shianni began to protest, but was interrupted as the crowd moved to the side and the royal couple entered. Alistair kept his arm around Anora, the small infant in her arms. Tabris felt a knot come into her throat as Alistair began a toast.

"Friends, family, I am glad to have you here on this special day as I announce our heir to the throne. I present to you, our daughter, Rowan."

A polite clap went through the audience and Tabris turned, seeing Loghain watching the performance. She thought she saw his hands tremble as he put them together. She looked away and back towards the couple. 

"Please, enjoy the refreshments. My beautiful wife and I will stay until the baby starts crying again."

The crowd dispersed again and Tabris found herself caught in a side hug as Anora greeted her.

"There you are," she smiled, "I've been looking for you. One little bolt of sanity in all these fussing nobles. Present company excluded. Would you mind terribly holding her for a second? I need a drink."

"Me too," Shianni chimed in, "I'll get you one, cousin."

Anora gently lowered Rowan into Tabris' arms as the child opened her eyes. As the two women left, she stroked her cheek, feeling a tear creep down her cheek. She was a beautiful baby. Strawberry blonde hair, big blue eyes. She smiled sadly. So stupid to be jealous, to be angry at such a little thing. 

"She's beautiful, isn't she?"

Tabris looked up, seeing Loghain sitting down beside her. She offered the child to him, but he waved her away.

"I have never been good at holding babies," he replied, "She looks comfortable with you."

Rowan gurgled slightly and Tabris held her closer to her.

"You have been well?" She asked softly.

"As well as can be expected." 

There was a quiet moment and he stood, leaving her with the child. The women returned, handing a glass of wine over to her as she gave Rowan back. She did not speak further, but drank. 

oOoOoOo

Tabris returned to her room, yawning slightly. Such social gatherings often wore her out. A good night's rest and she would return to Amaranthine, to her home. She was debating whether or not to see her father before she went. It would not make things easier, but it felt wrong to ignore him.

When she opened the door, she saw Loghain sitting in a chair, drinking, a near empty bottle resting near his feet.

"Warden," he greeted with a grunt, "Care to join me?"

She smiled sadly, closing the door behind her. She took the glass from him, drinking the whiskey with a slight grimace.

"They named her Rowan," Loghain laughed darkly, "Oh Maker..."

Tabris sat on the bed, waiting as Loghain lowered his head into his hands and sighed. 

"We're not so different, you and I," he said quietly, "We both let a love go because it was the right thing. When Cailian died, the last of her was gone. It's hard for me to accept Alistair. I see so much of Maric in him, but none of her. Then I see this child, this beautiful child. My granddaughter. But she's not there, there's none of the woman I loved in her. And they named her Rowan, as if to taunt me. As if to haunt me."

"What was she like?" Tabris asked.

"Brave," Loghain replied, "Braver than me, certainly. She was determined and strong. An amazing warrior. Ferelden has never lacked fierce queens. She was...better than I deserved. Better than Maric deserved too, it seems, but...I'm not sure if I would have thought any man was good for her. It's easy to sanctify the dead. I'm sure she was a mere mortal too." 

She wanted to touch his arm, but hesitated in that quiet moment. 

"I wrote to you twice," he said, lifting his head up to face her, "You never wrote back to me."

"You only wrote to me once," she corrected, "It was short, just said that you had arrived in Orlais, that the place stank, but you thought you could handle it."

"Right, right there was only one," he smirked, taking the glass back from her and filling it, "I never sent the second one to you. It had been particularly sentimental."

He handed her back the glass after taking a drink from it. She held it as he continued, "I was drunk. I was thinking about finding you in the snow. I was thinking about that night. It...meant more to me than I had first suspected."

"Why have you come back?" She asked quietly.

He smirked, "Nothing foolish or romantic, I promise you. The Wardens sent me to investigate my own granddaughter. The miracle child."

"So you've figured it out then," she replied, looking away from him. 

His face softened as he looked at her, "Alistair no longer carries the Taint. I couldn't sense it in him, or the child. He's so damn healthy looking. So what happened? What deal with demons did we make this time?"

Tabris drank from her glass and said quietly, "I found Morrigan. We spoke only a little. She gave me...well...it was the formula for a potion. It has to be drunk over a period of two weeks, while the blood is replaced. But...it's the cure for the Taint, to no longer be a Warden."

"And you gave it to him?"

"I felt it was my duty."

"And you didn't take it yourself?"

She admitted, "I go back and forth on it. I don't know if...I deserve it. It feels selfish. It feels small and petty. If Wardens could just leave whenever they wanted...Loghain, what would you do?"

He sighed, touching her hand gently before taking the glass from her, "I am an old man. My death in thirty years? It is what I expected, perhaps even generous. Perhaps I will go anyway before the Calling takes me. But you...you are what, twenty-three at the most? You could have a long life, a good life. You have saved Ferelden a half dozen times now. You ended the Blight; you gave the country an heir. Do you not think you deserve a reprieve?"

She wiped away a few tears, a sob building in her chest. Loghain put down the glass and moved to the bed, holding her from the side as she cried into his shoulder. 

She laughed sadly, "I swear, I only seem to cry around you."

"You trust me," he said gently, "That's not a bad thing. Misguided, perhaps. You could have chosen a better man."

"That night," she murmured, "that night meant everything to me. I thought about you. I wanted to write, but what would I say? I didn't think I'd ever see you again. And what does it matter now? You'll go back to Orlais and have to report this. Things are on the cusp of massive change. Even if we wanted to, there is no chance for a normal life for either of us soon."

She looked up at him, her heart pounding as his hands cupped her face. Before he kissed her, he murmured, "There is still some time."

She threw herself into the kiss, wrapping her arms around his neck as they fell into the bed together. Their kisses grew desperate as they fumbled with their clothes, pushing them off into a pile on the floor. She wrapped her legs around him, their naked bodies pressing together as their lips met for a hungry kiss. He held her to him as he pushed inside of her and she sighed deeply.

Her hands ran into his hair, pressing their foreheads against each other as he moved. She groaned as his hand grabbed at her ass, pulling her closer towards him. Between their bodies rubbing together, between his thrusts, she felt herself coming closer and closer. He groaned, his other hand grabbing the back of her head and pulling her for a deep kiss. She moaned into his mouth as she came, shaking around him as she held onto his shoulders, her nails digging into his skin. 

He went harder, thrusting more furiously as she held onto him, the waves still pleasurably pulsing through her body. He gripped into the bed, as he moaned, closing his eyes as he pushed into her, his seed spurting into her body. He opened his eyes and smiled awkwardly as they kissed again. 

"I believe we were having a serious conversation before you lured me into bed," she teased lightly, pleasantly surprised when he chuckled. 

He stroked the side of her face as he moved beside her, holding her to him.

"You should take the potion," he murmured, "There's plenty of other Wardens. There's only one you."

"Loghain," she said quietly.

"No, listen," he said, lying on his side to face her, "You've been given another chance. Who knows what will happen when the truth comes out. We both know that tensions are already brewing between our countries-"

"Did you just refer to Orlais as your country?"

"Hush. Listen to me. You...you have a chance to live. Do you remember that night before we marched on Denerim? Do you remember you begging me for my own life? I was ready to die and you pleaded with me to live. Listen to me as I listened to you."

She flipped on her side as his hand cupped her face.

"What do you want?" He asked gently, "Not what they want for you. Ask what you want for yourself."

She bowed her head, "I want to have a home. I want children. I want to see my father more than once a year. I want to cook in my own kitchen and never have to put on armour again in my life. I want to just be...me. I'm so, so tired of being the Hero of Ferelden. I'm tired of all of it."

"You were right," she murmured, looking up at him with tears in her eyes, "It never got better. I need...I need..."

She kissed him, and he held her to him, letting her rest her head under his chin. 

"I have a cabin," he said quietly, "Deep in the Frostback Mountains. There was a little garden there once. There's a little village nearby. I remember there was a little pond, it was so nice to read by it, to go fishing."

She pulled back and looked up at him, "What are you saying?"

Loghain grumbled, "Damn it, do I need to spell it out for you?"

She smiled sadly, "Probably."

"I'm saying, you can start over...we can start over. I know you deserve a younger man, a fresher man, but if you want-"

"Yes," she whispered.

A quiet smile crept across his face, "Okay."

She laughed, covering her mouth, "Sorry, this is all...oh Maker, I'm going to run away...with you? I'm sorry, I just..."

She broke out into laughter further and Loghain sat up, rolling his eyes.

"Still a yes?" he asked grumpily.

She nodded, trying not to laugh. 

He murmured, "Good."


End file.
